Invisible
by maryhell
Summary: Jasper and Edward have been together for twelve years. Things have changed between them, and Jasper starts to question whether their time together is at an end. Under 18's please do not read
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing twilight, it all belongs to Mrs. Meyer. All characters are fictional.**

* * *

**Huge thank you to Bellemeer and Harrytwifan for your support, education and expertise. You help make me a better writer. You are my heroes.**

* * *

**Chapter 1 – How I feel**

**JPOV**

There he is, asleep on the couch again. I know he's tired, but why can't he come to bed?

He maintains that he can't help it; but, if he's that tired, why can't he take the extra ten steps towards our bedroom? We live in a beautiful apartment in a good part of Seattle. There's no dog to put out, or children to get ready for bed. Our home is clean, and on late nights, I make sure there's something in the fridge, or in the oven on the timer, ready for when he comes home. During daylight hours, I greet him too, waiting for my cuddle and peck on the lips.

He tells me that he comes in, grabs a decaf, and puts on the TV to unwind - yet somehow, he always falls asleep. I've lost count of the amount of times he's said he's sorry. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how many times he says those words, nothing changes, so, how sorry can he really be? Every time he does it, the sense of rejection vibrates to my very core. There was a time when my bed was his favorite place – what changed? Are we stuck in a rut? Too comfortable? Has he found someone else? Surely not!

Ed works really long hours at the hospital. He loves his vocation; it gives him a true sense of accomplishment and job satisfaction. He's worked hard to gain the fantastic reputation he has, as head of ER. I'm happy he does a job that is part of who he is; one that gives him such self-worth... but is it wrong of me to be jealous? Is it wrong of me to want him to love me more than his job? I love him so much, but I can't even remember the last time we were seriously intimate.

We've been together for twelve years - married for the last seven. For the past few years, we've been like ships that pass in the night – leaving a coffee on the table for each other, before we go to our respective employment. We have known for a while something like this could happen, and I thought I was prepared for it. However, it's harder than I thought it would be – much harder.

Luckily, I'm a programmer, and a while ago, I was fortunate enough to be able to secure working from home for part of the time, so that I could see him more. A half hour more is what I got... a whole half-hour, before he'd be out like a light - on where else, but the couch again. Still, I guess it's better than nothing.

I've tried waking him and leading him to bed; all that accomplishes is him having a broken night's sleep. I've tried explaining how rejected I feel, and how important it is to me to be able to hold and sleep with him; to connect. It's horrible going to sleep in an empty cold bed, and even worse waking in one. When I vent my frustrations, he vows to try... and try he does. Unfortunately, it only ever lasts about a week before I find him curled up on that damned, three-seater again. I've lost my shit it a few times too, shouting and ranting – I don't think I've ever thrown anything, though. Nothing's worked. Now, I just sigh, cover him up so that he doesn't get a chill, and return to my cold, barren bed. Maybe, in hindsight, I should have gotten rid of the thing.

For a while, I welcomed him home wearing something that would send him wild, or on occasion, nothing at all. Everything would be hot, heavy, and wonderful, but by the time I returned from the bathroom with a wet cloth, he'd be on his side, lightly snoring. At least, he was in bed, but it made me feel used; like I was whoring myself in order to get some gratification. After all, what man wouldn't take something that was offered to him on a platter?

I feel rejected; useless and unwanted. Everyone around me seems to want, or need, something from me – everyone except the one man who counted. To him, I've become invisible; a glorified housemaid with the title of husband to avoid paying a salary.

There are only so many times, or so many years, a person can continue to try, before you start to give up. Some would say that if I loved him, I should never give up; but I'm tired. When we have days off together, I feel like we're strangers. He chatters on, though, I have no idea what he's talking about. Have we changed that much? Is it me? Have I become boring? Have we grown apart?

How did such a small thing like this turn into such a major issue? At least, it is for me. It's not like he leaves the lid off the toothpaste, or comes home drunk, or leaves his clothes by the hamper instead of in it.

If we were roommates, he'd be perfect. He is perfect; it has to be me. Something has to be the matter with me. Physically, I'm in better shape now than when we met, yet... I'm missing something. He saves the lives of others; it's selfish of me to put myself above those that are ill, or dying. But, sometimes, I feel like I'm dying too... inside.

I remember the times when a light touch of my hand, a look, or a whisper, would have him whimpering. Only in my dreams now, can I feel the caress of his palms working up my thighs, opening my willing legs so that he could draw pictures with his tongue on my sensitive flesh, kissing and sucking, as he works his way to the Promised Land.

The memories of making love, of my Edward moving inside me, and the purrs of contentment as we lay sated and loved, bring tears to my eyes now, instead of smiles and lust.

Who am I? Is my sense of self lost? I need time to think. I need to get away. Where do I go?

I love him; that will never change, yet something has to. He deserves someone who can light the inner fire that no longer seems to burn for me. He deserves someone whose power of love can draw him into a bed that will give him a better night's sleep. He needs that. With the way he is pushing his body without giving it the rest it needs, he will become ill.

As I sit at the bottom of my bed – yes, my bed, I don't think it's been truly ours for a while – I roll everything over in my mind to see if there are any other options, but I can't think, or even see straight at the moment. My eyes won't stop leaking, and I don't want to do it, but I have to set him free, set me free – it's for the best.

* * *

**A/N - This story is also being posted on TWCS. Though it will be on both sites in it's entirety, it will be updated on TWCS first.**

** It is only a short story of three chapters and is already complete on my laptop. **

**Reviews are always welcome and replied to.**


	2. Chapter 2 Where are you Jasper?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight it is all the property of Mrs. Meyer.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A million thank you's to Bellemeer and Harrytwifan - you ladies are awesome.**

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Where are you Jasper?**

**EPOV**

It's the small hours of the morning when I walk through the door of our home; the savory smells of lasagna hitting my senses make me close my eyes in delight. A_hhh, beautiful_. Just the thought of beef, tomato, cheese, and herbs caressing my pallet has me salivating, and my stomach rumbling. Jasper sure knows how to look after me; he's beyond wonderful.

A tidy apartment and a scrumptious meal are superb to come home to, especially, after a hard day in the ER, where I'm surrounded by blood, tears, and anguish. My feet hardly touched the ground, from the beginning of my shift until the end. My team and I had dealt with everything from a saucepan stuck on a boy's head, to a multiple pile-up, where the rider of a motorcycle caught the worst of it. He sustained two broken legs, a broken arm, and a dislocated shoulder. Thankfully, he was wearing all the correct safety gear, which saved his life and held him together. He'd have a long road to recovery, but, at least he would recover. In the future, however, he'd set off all airport alarms as he passed through security, with the amount of metal now inside him.

Eating my meal, I settle in to unwind.

The next thing I know, I'm shuddering with cold. Dammit, I've fallen asleep on the couch again. There's no blanket in sight; oh dear, Jasper must be pissed at me. I know he doesn't like it, and if I could catch myself drifting off, I'd move to bed. But I couldn't, and I didn't.

Looking at the time, I realize it won't be long before he'd be up for work. Walking into the kitchen, I flick the switch of the amber nectar machine, ready to wake him with coffee and a cuddle – albeit a belated one.

With drink in hand, I walk into our bedroom; the bed is empty. Where is Jasper? He can't have gone to work already. Maybe he's in the shower, but I can't hear it. In fact, there's no sound of movement at all.

"Jasper," I shout, while I look around the room, somehow expecting him to pop out of a drawer or the closet.

I see an envelope on the dresser, marked 'Edward'. The coffee falls to the floor – the burn of its hot contents seeping through my pants, reminding me that this isn't a dream.

With my heart pumping, and a shaky hand, I reach for the package and open it.

_My Love,_

_It's only right that I leave you a note, but I don't know what to write. I am sorry for doing it this way, but if I don't leave now, I won't have the courage. I would have preferred to see you face to face, but I didn't know when that would be, and if I am truthful, it would have broken me completely. Many thoughts have entered and left my head – all of them in a jumble._

_We seem to be two people who live in the same place, but no longer together, and I don't know what to do to make it better. I don't believe I have what you need in a partner any more, at least it doesn't feel like it, and while it breaks my heart to leave, it hurts too much to stay._

_You deserve better than I can give. You are a great man, Edward. Your patients are lucky to have you, and I am proud that, for a while, I got to call you mine._

_Not that it matters, but I have no idea where I'm going; it pretty much depends on what's available when I get to the airport._

_Keep your strength up, eat well, and get plenty of sleep._

_I'm sorry I wasn't enough._

_I will always love you._

_Jasper xx_

Each time I read the letter, the words don't change. However, the more I read them, the more they sink in.

My Jasper has left me, thinking he wasn't good enough to be mine. How wrong he is.

Sinking to the floor, I sob his name. He is so wrong. None of this means anything without him.

Weeks pass... I'm still a wreck, and will continue to be until I find my Jasper. I've made call after call, and sent text after text to him with no reply. Although I know it is pointless to call his relatives, I do anyway, simply to cover all bases. Many of them slam the phone down immediately; others called Jasper and I names before doing exactly the same. His parents, and others of the Hale clan, disowned Jasper the day he came out of the closet – he hasn't been back to Arizona since.

We met at a college party and have been together since that day. He's my rock; the one person who keeps me sane through everything that's been thrown at me. He's been there through it all; my training, my residency, promotions, good days and bad. It's due to his support and love that I'm where I am today.

As I look back over our years together, I realize there are a lot of my's and I's in there. Too many, far too many of them.

During the early days of Jasper's absence, my dad, while being emotionally there for me, also gives me a chilling reality check. He reminds me of wise words given to me years ago. He'd told me not to take Jasper for granted, and to ensure he was made to feel special. Similar had happened to him. He wasn't able to get Esme back. She moved to England, leaving me with my dad. I see her once, sometimes twice a year.

When I call him, broken hearted, he simply tells me that I've done what many doctors before me have done – including him; I put my job before my love, and paid the price. He tells me to think carefully, and ask myself what my priorities are. What means more to me; Jasper or my job?

When I immediately reply, "Jasper," he questions it, much to my annoyance, asking, "When it's time to go home and another patient comes in, what do you do? Do you see to the patient, or leave it to the more than competent doctors on the new shift?" He knows there are exceptions to the rule; it's the basic principle he's inquiring about.

My lack of an answer gives my dad all the information he needs. That isn't all I've done, though. I think back to all the times I've returned to an immaculate home, with a meal ready, and all he's asked of me is that I join him in bed. I don't think it's possible to feel worse than I already do, but the bar has been lowered even further.

Since his leaving, every time I try to sleep, and it doesn't come often, I've slept in our bed. I can't help but reflect upon our years together. I've thought long and hard about how I've managed to push my love away, to the point where he considered us roommates and strangers, instead of lovers, partners... husbands. The revelations sting. I've been blind, not noticing what I was doing. I've dismissed his pleas, and attempts at trying to warn me of our impending doom. How stupid am I? I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. I _am_ the biggest asshole on the planet. Crying myself to sleep in an empty bed, I wake to an even colder one. This must be how Jasper felt. He tried to tell me, but I ignored him. I took him for granted. I was too self-absorbed in my own life to consider the man who means everything to me; the man without whose presence, none of it means a thing.

At work, I'm on autopilot. Thankfully, the only way in which my patients suffer is through my lack of bedside manner. Each time I return home, the place feels empty. It isn't home without Jasper. It's his presence that makes me relax as soon as I walk through the door. His smile, his cuddle, the smell of cooking, a loving note on the fridge door, a blanket to stop the cold; and what did I do? I froze him out. I denied him the physical contact he craved. I craved it, too... I was just too damned lazy to get off my butt.

When… yes, when I find him, I will not let that ever happen again.

The first thing, among many, I did after Jasper left was to call the airport. They were happy to tell me which flights had departed that day, but refused to release passenger lists without approval of the police. The only breakthrough after that was when a credit card statement arrived for Jasper. In desperation, I opened it. He'd bought a ticket with his card to Texas. Anxious for more clues, I scanned more of the transaction details, but there was nothing on it showing he'd rented a car, or brought a bus ticket, and it would be a month before another statement came through. Bank statements from our joint account were no help either.

On calling his workplace, I was shocked to discover he'd resigned the day before he disappeared, using his remaining vacation time to cover his period of notice.

I've considered reporting him missing, but don't after my dad points out that I would get laughed out of the station for reporting a thirty-year old man missing; a man who left our home of his own accord. In the end, I hire a private detective – I have to find my Jasper. I want to beg his forgiveness, and plead for him to take me back and come home.

At night, I start to have dreams... no, nightmares. I see him alone, atop a cliff overlooking the ocean. He's barefoot, wearing shorts, and an open shirt which billows along with his blond locks in the wind. The moment I call his name, and hold my hand out to him... he turns to me... his face blank, and falls backward to his death on the rocks below. I wake screaming his name and crying.

God is surely taking revenge on my incompetence at being a husband and partner. It isn't until Jasper leaves, that I truly appreciate how much my daily ability to breathe relies upon him.

The phone on my work desk rings out, disturbing my thoughts. I don't recognize the caller ID.

"Hello."

"Hello, is this Edward Cullen?"

"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"

"Oh, sorry, sir. This is, Nurse Hillington, from the Methodist Hospital, Houston, Texas. We have you listed as next of kin for a Jasper Cullen."

* * *

**A/N: Evil of me, I know. But, I have to save the best till last – it will be up in a couple of days. Chapter three will be up on TWCS on Friday - here Saturday.**


	3. Chapter 3 What happens now?

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight it is all the property of Mrs. Meyer.**

**A/N – **I tweaked this story after it was returned from my beta Harrytwifan. Therefore, any mistakes you find are totally mine**.**

**To Bellemeer and Harrytwifan **– whenever I think of you, Tina Turner's song 'Simply the best' starts to play in my head. Thank you isn't adequate, but know that it comes your way with a tidal wave of gratitude for everything you have done for me.

**To Everyone who has reviewed, favorite and followed this story – I thank you from the bottom of my heart, as you have taken these boys to yours. For those who guest reviewed – thank you, I would have liked to do it personally, but I guess that's how these things roll.**

* * *

**Note to guest reviewer who signed as GollymissMolly –** (I don't know if you are the gollymissmolly that has a profile on ffn or not. If not, I hope things don't get confused).I sincerely appreciate your views and admire your position and strength as the wife of a doctor. However, you cannot leave a review like that, and not expect me to defend Jasper. Jasper did not run. He felt Edward deserved someone better, and left to give him his freedom. After everything he tried, failed; he quit trying. He believed Edward didn't want him anymore. He thought Edward had outgrown him, and Edward, at the time, did nothing to make him think any different. Maybe you need to re-read chapter one.

This story was not specifically aimed at people married to doctors – it just happened to be a difficult profession that I picked as a representation in a story. The story didn't have an aim; it was something I had an urge to write. However, since you compare fiction to reality, here is what I think. This situation can happen to anyone, regardless of age or profession, there doesn't even have to be a profession. The main message, if there has to be one, is that 'familiarity breeds contempt' (thank you Belle for the phrase). Anyone, in a relationship, especially a long term one, can, and probably has, been taken for granted – that sucks. Some couples, deal with it and emerge stronger from the experience. However, not everyone has the strength, or will to hang in there**, **or the ability to cope. They have to do what is right for them. Sometimes, extreme action has to be taken, especially when you have the feeling of being backed into a corner with no other options. Please note: stories are rarely read, unless they go to extremes.

Okay, so you have no sympathy for Jasper - your opinion will always be yours, each to his own - but, there are plenty of people out there, which do. No two people are alike, and I am sorry that you have no sympathy for someone – albeit a character on this occasion - which is not as strong as you. This is only a short story. Therefore, I didn't list everything Jasper tried. Maybe I should have; then you possibly wouldn't have been so hard and unforgiving. While I agree that running away isn't always the right thing to do, it all depends on the situation; even then, there are always exceptions. However, again, Jasper did not run. He did what he felt was right after exhausting what he considered to be all his options, he had nothing left. What was he supposed to do? Remain miserable for the rest of his life, with a man that had his eyes and mind closed to the needs of his partner?

At the end of the day this is a fictional story that shows that nobody is perfect and that shit happens.

Please gollymissMolly, whilst I appreciate you have a view - one I am happy to discuss - if you intend to leave such a review in future, please sign in so that I can reply in person rather than this very public forum. Alternatively, write a story of your own which reflects your views in a way that can be understood and empathized with.

**Apologies to readers for my rant** – but guest reviews leave no other medium for a reply.

**On with the story**

* * *

**Chapter 3 – What happens now?**

**EPOV**

The sound of his name sends my heart racing. However, delivered in the same sentence as the word hospital, it takes all my ER training to stop me from passing out. It's a good thing I'm sat down.

"Yes, I'm his husband. What's happened?"

"Well, sir, your husband has been admitted after a horseback riding accident."

This surprises me; Jasper is a competent rider. He learned to ride as a kid, and he continued the hobby into adulthood.

Inside, I feel sick. My mind is running through all the possible injuries that can befall a person that rides a live animal, and it's not doing me any good; they range from minor to fatal. Somehow though, I manage to keep a semblance of professional composure.

"How is he? What are his injuries?"

"It's early days yet, sir. All I know is that he was flown in unconscious and that the doctors are with him now. It is because he can't answer for himself that I was asked to look up his personal details and contact his next of kin."

Flown in! Holy shit! "I'm on my way. Until then, your doctors have my permission to do what they feel is best." The Methodist Hospital has an excellent reputation. Jasper is in good hands; however, I can't shake the words, 'flown in'. What happened and where, that was so bad, Jasper had to be flown to hospital?

"Yes, sir, thank you, sir. We'll see you soon."

"Thank you, bye."

"Katie," I holler, as I run from my office, startling a few people in the process. They haven't seen this much life in me since Jasper left.

Katie soon appears at my side, and I bark my orders at her.

"I've got to go to Houston. Call in Jack; he's in charge until my return. If an emergency comes in before he gets here, give Anna and Peter a shout - put them on alert now."

She almost has to run to keep up with me as I head to the locker room to gather my things.

"When will you be back?"

"Not a clue. Jasper's in The Methodist Hospital, Houston... horseback riding accident. I won't be coming back without him."

"Of course not, Doctor. You take care and stay safe, too."

Before making my final exit, I kiss Katie on the head. "Thank you."

Katie is one of the few that knows what I'm going through, but she always keeps things professional within the hospital. I know I can rely on her to organize everything in my absence. I still have a responsibility to any patients who walk through the ER doors. However, my Jasper is my top priority, and if I am fortunate enough to get him back, that's exactly where he'll stay.

Six of the longest hours in my life, one concerned father and two irate nurses later, I walk into the room to face my Jasper. The sight of him stops me mid-stride and brings tears to my eyes. He's sleeping on his back with his head to one side. He's pale, with a dressing over his right eyebrow and scratches down his face. His left forearm arm has a dressing on it too, just below the elbow. A drip has been inserted into the back of his hand, and a heart monitor is attached to his finger. His right wrist has a cast on it.

I murmur, "What happened to you, love?"

I take a step forward; about to pick up his chart, wondering what happened to him, when a doctor walks in.

"Mr. Cullen?" he asks.

"Yeah," I answer, unable to take my eyes off Jasper, and unwilling to correct him to my title of Dr. Cullen. It's irrelevant at the moment. Therefore, I blindly shake his hand.

"Dr. Torrez, pleased to meet you."

_Please, enough with the pleasantries_. "Likewise, has he regained consciousness yet?"

"Sadly, no. We are fairly confident that the head trauma is the source behind his unconsciousness. However, we don't know the force or reasons behind it. Though, evidence suggests, it was a nasty fall. But that was not our prime concern on his admittance." Dr. Torrez takes a deep breath and continues. "The accident happened in Beaumont, at the Spinney Creek Ranch on the border between Beaumont and Houston. However, the ranch owner said that when Jasper returned on his horse, he said 'snake' before he collapsed. In the short time it took for the ranch hand to get through to dispatch – the bite had been found and confirmed on his arm. The prime concern then, was, which hospital to get him to the quickest. The dispatcher was experienced and put the call through to us, knowing it would be quicker for us to get there with a helicopter than any other hospital.

"Initially, we had no way to know if it was the head trauma, the bite, or both that caused him to collapse, and no one knew the breed of the snake that bit him. Thankfully, tests showed it was a milk snake, which aren't venomous. However, there is still the risk of infection, so we have put him on a series of antibiotics. As for his bump to the head, scans show there is currently no swelling severe enough that could put pressure on the brain. He has been given Heparin as a precaution, to prevent any blood clots. The most straightforward of his injuries is his broken wrist.

"We don't expect him to be unconscious for much longer. The exhaustion from his ordeal is probably what is keeping him under now. However, given the medication he's on for pain relief, he's going to be in and out of it for a while."

"Thank you, Doctor."

Dr. Torrez leaves and I give all my attention to Jasper. Taking his hand in mine, I lean over him and kiss his lips. Saying a silent prayer, I thank whoever is listening that Jasper is still with me. My medical training has taught me that, given the circumstances of Jasper's bite... had the snake been venomous; my Jasper would probably be dead.

About an hour later, my love starts to wake. His fingers flex around mine; it's a wonderful feeling. His head moves and he groans from what is sure to be the pain he's in. Eventually, his eyes open and land on mine.

The heart monitor tells me everything I need to know. The increasing beat coupled with Jasper's shaking hand in mine makes me aware that he's on the road to hyperventilating.

Panicking a little myself, I shush and sooth him until he calms, cupping his face in my hands while wiping away his tears. A nurse comes in to check his blood pressure again. She offers perky greetings as she writes his progress on his chart. He doesn't respond. The cup containing water is in my hands making its way to Jasper's mouth before she gives permission – she has no idea that I know what I'm doing.

Jasper accepts the water, then falls back to sleep, exhausted. This happens several times.

Eventually, he wakes again, and I repeat my liquid offering. Jasper is more coherent this time, but my heart jolts when he rasps, "Whyryou... here?"

My tears won't hold back any longer. I blubber, "I love you."

"Not enough." He closes his eyes again, and I see tears. My poor love, what have I done to him?

"I'm not leaving here without you. I need you."

"You need a housekeeper, not me." His words seem lazy, due to the medication, but it doesn't stop them stinging.

This really isn't the time to be doing this, but I'm on Jasper's timetable here, and if he wants to talk now... so be it.

"You're wrong. I've been an ass, and I'm sorry. I've come to take care of you."

"You only see me because I'm a patient."

"No, Jasper. You're the better part of me. Without you, life is meaningless."

_He's not believing my words... then show him some other way, you moron._

I move his broken wrist to a safer place and sit at his side. Leaning over him, I gently hold his face in mine and kiss him for all I'm worth. He doesn't respond to begin with, but eventually his lips begin to move and mold to mine, and we happily drown in the taste and love that makes us both want more. I give him what he needs. I try to convey my sorrow, my love, and most of all… my apology. I need him to know everything he means to me, and how sorry I am that I pushed him away. I need him to believe in us. This kiss is just the beginning to our road of recovery.

We break, but his words tell me that I haven't done enough.

"You deserve better than me." His doubt and self-worth are so low, but I won't give up. All I want is for him to start to believe in _**us**_ again.

"There is no one better than you, love. It is I that don't deserve you."

"Why?"

There is so much to say, but for now, I give the basics of my failings and what I've been like since he left, including my understanding at sleeping on my own in a cold, empty bed.

He is quiet, but his body language tells me that I'm progressing. I begin to feel hope that _**we**_ can be saved.

Jasper sleeps for another half-hour before we get the chance to talk again.

I ask, "Will you tell me what happened after you left?"

With a deep breath, he begins. "Lots of it is blurry. I wasn't exactly on this planet or thinking straight when I left. A guy was heading this way from the airport, and I caught a lift with him. After arriving in Beaumont, I headed for the nearest ranch that had vacancies – I didn't wanna stay in a motel. My intention was to stay for a couple of weeks before finding a job, but I got talking with the owners, and one thing led to another. In a nutshell, I agreed to install a new computer system for them to run their estate, in return for free board and lodgings, and a little riding each day."

Jasper went quiet, and looked at his hands that were playing with the sheets. He almost whispered, "I got all your texts. Sorry, I didn't reply; I wanted to set you free."

"Do you want to be free of me?" I murmur with trepidation.

He doesn't answer.

"Jasper, do you want to be free of me?" I ask, with more desperation.

At last, he shakes his head, and I swallow the lump in my throat.

"I'll always love you, but I didn't think you wanted me, and I didn't think it was fair to tie you into a relationship which wasn't fulfilling for you... or me."

"I can't apologize enough for what I've done to you, Jasper. Please believe me when I say there is no one on this earth who I want to be with more than you, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

The look in his eyes tells me that he doesn't completely believe me, but I can also see hope, and that is encouraging.

Things are far from being solved between us, but I don't want to dwell on it too much now, so I focus on his accident. "What happened the day of your accident?"

Jasper relaxes his head back on the pillow. "I went out for a ride, as usual, on Coco. It was pretty hot, so after an hour, I stopped by the creek to let her have a drink and cool down. I sat under the trees for a while... thinkin'. Don't know how long I stayed there for. I decided it was time to get going, so, I used a log to help me mount up. As I was half back on, something spooked her. I fell, landing on my wrist, hitting my head on the stump. The force of the fall had me rolling over, and that's when I felt the sting in my arm. I looked over in time to see something black and red slitherin' away. Must have passed out then for a minute or two... I think. Sun was still in the same position when I opened my eyes, so it couldn't have been long."

Jasper scrunches his eyes, like he's going over things in his head again.

"Woke up, and I was kinda messy, my wrist had doubled in size, and I wasn't feeling too good. Coco was close, so I clambered aboard and slowly headed back to the main yard. Don't remember anything after that."

"I'm glad you made it back."

"Yeah, me too. Walter, the ranch owner, knew where I was headed though, and would have come looking for me, eventually."

"That's good, but if that snake had been poisonous, he'd have been too late." The gravity of what might have happened strikes us both. Words won't form in my mouth after that, so I kiss him instead. This time, Jasper readily accepts my advances, needing the contact as much as I do. We talk about small stuff for a while, and he soon falls asleep. Unwilling to leave his side, I check his chart, make myself comfortable, and settle in.

During the night, I wake to the feel of a slightly clammy hand in mine, pulling at a finger - it's Jasper. As soon as I look up, his eyes tell me something's not right. "I feel sick," are his only words. Immediately, I'm in doctor mode, checking his pulse – elevated - and temperature – up. I hit the button, calling for the nurse. While waiting, I uncover the only two sources that can show further evidence to support my theory. His head wound looks fine, and though his bite is not totally inflamed, it isn't a good color either.

The nurse opens the door, and before she even has chance to step in, I give her orders. "Get the doctor in here now. Jasper is showing signs of Systemic Infection. He needs a high dose of antibiotics; bring some Tylenol, a new cleaning kit, and dressings for his wounds."

"Excuse me, sir, but..."

I'm not about to let her questions delay Jasper's treatment any longer, and as much as I should be courteous to her, time is of the essence. Apologies can come later. Despite his initial dose of medication, the fact that his wounds had lain open to the elements for at least an hour before treatment commenced increased the chances and level of infection.

"Nurse, the name is Doctor Cullen; I am head of ER at University of Washington Hospital, Seattle. Please go get what I have asked for, then you can check my credentials at your will... GO!"

Thankfully, she returns with the requested items, including the doctor, who graciously confirms my findings. Hospital protocol dictates that I'm not allowed to take care of Jasper myself. Though, now that his condition has been diagnosed, his treatment is being administered to perfection. However, only time will tell the seriousness of the infection, and how long it will take him to recover.

The next few days prove to be very testing for me, to the point where Dad comes to Houston, too. He is my emotional backup, while I try to be Jasper's, willing him to find the strength to fight. Dad has been on the end of a phone since Jasper left, but he has his practice, and couldn't leave at the drop of a hat. However, on hearing Jasper was in hospital, he managed to get someone to cover for him for a few days.

It has to be said that the nurses must dread entering our room. I can tell by their body language that they feel under scrutiny; I guess, to a degree, they are. I want to take care of Jasper, but have to force myself to be on the sidelines, which is excruciatingly difficult. I have to watch as his body deals with the nausea, chills, and temperature fluctuations of his fever. His sleep is virtually constant, but fretful.

He talks in his sleep as he agitatedly moves in the bed. "No, no, fiber optic. Please cometobed. Need you. Access, SQL, search criteria. Why? Love you. Ed…" Then he begins to whimper.

I feel useless and helpless. His feverish words break my heart. Some of them, I understand, others I don't.

I watch his chart, and do my best to keep him cool. It is Dad who saves my sanity. He brings me his medical bag, complete with stethoscope, thermometer, and blood pressure kit, so I can at least do my own checks.

I sigh in relief the minute Jasper shows signs of improvement.

Five days later, Jasper is discharged. During that time, we talked a lot. However, he refuses to return to Seattle with me. We acknowledge that we are still in love and that we have something to save. He is right though, in that, something has to change. Despite my assurances, Jasper is scared that we will return to our former ways.

I tell Jasper that, before leaving UW, I made a vow that I wouldn't return without him. I intend to keep that promise. I don't go back. Instead, I resign from UW Hospital and stay with my Jasper.

Six months later, his project at Spinney Creek Ranch is so successful that he has turned it into a business. Part of his fee, of course, is always a ride out on the horses.

I manage to secure myself a lab at the Methodist Hospital, Houston, doing research on snake bites – the work is fascinating. I'm on call to the ER as backup, but my primary function is my lab. The hours are much more stable, and I still get the excitement of being in the ER occasionally. However, a bigger rush is being able to return home to a happy, fulfilling life with my love.

Today I'm home first to our three-bedroom cottage, so I quickly take a shower and prepare something for my man. With a beef casserole in the oven that can stay in there for an hour, or longer, if the gas is turned down – I listen for the key in the lock.

As soon as he is through the door, I approach him, clad only in a special leather pouch, and a slightly longer than normal shirt, which just about covers the surprise beneath. Around my neck is a stethoscope.

Jasper quickly deposits his case and tool kit on the floor, and I pin him to the door, running my nose up his neck. I whisper, "Does my man need a health check after his long... arduous day on the ranch?"

A seductive smirk later, he replies, "I'm not the doctor, what do you think?"

Placing my stethoscope on his chest, I try to seriously announce, "Your heart rate is slightly elevated. My suggested treatment is a shower to calm down, followed by a massage."

**JPOV**

I run to the bathroom, removing my clothes en-route, almost falling over my feet. I've been crawling around a dusty ranch office all day, with a screwdriver in one hand, and cable ties in the other, installing a client's hardware for a new computer system. Most large companies are only interested in installing systems for corporations, or big buck contracts. I, as a one-man band, so to speak, specialize in installing and maintaining systems for the guy or gal that wants a small setup. Not just home installations, but ones that need tweaking or some software written to suit a specific requirement. The one of note... ranches. It's going great and I love my work, but what is even better is returning home to my Edward.

It feels like I'm in a different universe. Seven months ago, I was ready to throw in the towel. Since first leaving Edward, my brain had been like a tossed salad. Whenever I reflected on _**us**_, a myriad of thoughts, questions and answers ran through my head. Unfortunately, none of the answers successfully partnered the questions, and the thoughts simply added more confusion to the broken pathways in my brain connecting reason and sanity to cognitive rationality. Events at the Spinney Creek Ranch literally saved my life. My work kept me occupied, but on the day of my accident, I wasn't in a good place mentally. Part of me was glad to lose consciousness, and at the time, I wasn't that bothered if I never woke up. I thought that God was playing a joke on me when I opened my eyes and saw Edward.

It's a shame that it took something like that to bring us back together. It just goes to prove that every cloud has a silver lining. We've both learned a lot from the experience; the main thing being that we can't function without each other, and we act accordingly to facilitate our needs as a couple. Hence, why, after getting into the shower five minutes ago, I am now drying off and ready to join my man.

As I enter our room, my love is casually leaning against the headboard of our four-poster bed. It isn't your Victorian style four poster – oh no – this one is very modern indeed. It has a black wooden frame, and the base has two large drawers, one in either side. The headboard is fawn in color, which matches the canopy and curtains that run over the top and back of the bed. There are no coverings over the posts; this gives the room, with its pale walls and built-in closet, a very light, airy, and masculine look.

Forget the massage; I want my Edward. I crawl up the bed and over my man, lifting his shirt to reveal my prize. _MMMM, leather thong – delicious_. I immediately nuzzle the wrapping and its contents. I love the smell of leather. Combine it with the scent of my man, and I'm in heaven. I tease him to attention before unbuttoning the rest of my present, kissing each piece of skin as it is revealed. Edward inches down the bed, and I move with him, until he suddenly rolls me over. To my delight, I notice that he has opened the canopy, displaying the mirrors above our bed. The view is spectacular. I slowly remove Edward's shirt so that I can see the muscles in his back ripple as his hands caress my sides, working their way up to secure my arms above my head.

Lust takes over. We writhe and roll as our bodies tangle and pay homage to each other. Hands caress and lips worship, and Edward is relieved of his last piece of clothing. It is time his golden scepter is engulfed in a crown of stars. Well, one star in particular. My Heaven's Gate welcomes him with enthusiasm. I watch and feel his hips snap as he pounds into me, pushing me over the edge, making me see stars of my own. Feeling my warm seed between us sends Edward into frenzy. It isn't long before I am joined in Nirvana, when my love strains to push himself so far inside me that I can taste him; erupting with such force, I can almost feel it hit my throat.

This is a life we both now love, and it is a life we both intend to work at to keep. Neither of us is invisible to the other, mentally or physically.

We will never lose sight of what we have ever again.

The End.

* * *

**A/N – Please note that I have no medical training and am not part of the medical profession. Everything in here I have found on the internet. Apologies if I have messed up.**


End file.
